Vagabond

I wish there weren’t so many long days… there’re too many

When I think about it, I think about how miniscule I felt - there’s no time for me. There are other things to do.

Definition of a Freewrite

For those who actually might care, a freewrite is a method of breaking through writer’s block. You take a quote, or any random inspiration for that matter, and you just write whatever comes into your head - no stopping - for a straight 3-5 minutes or so. It’s a weird sort of way to spill your guts - nice, right? So that’s the process behind all of the freewrites I’ve posted and will post in the future. I thought it might be good information to put out there.

Freewrite - “Working to secure…”

“Working to secure” the belt around my waist that keeps me tied to a rock too heavy to lift. It makes an imprint in the ground just sitting. Not one movement yet it continues to sink as though it were in a thick liquid. I watch it sink and slowly it pulls me down with it into the pit of molasses. I can’t swim through it and I can’t breathe. No air usually does that. But I panic. I panic and struggle to pull the rock back up but it’s still going down. There’s no way I can go up from here, even when it seems there’s no more going down.

Freewrite - “What you expected…”

“What you expected” was probably someone other than me. Someone sweet, a believer, someone who would follow your every word. Well I’m not about to submit myself - I’m the only shoe in the closet that’s willing to be worn without a sock. You don’t seem to like going bare-footed. I do. That might drive you crazy - a cliché - but it doesn’t bother me. In the end I’ll do what I want and I’ll go by how I feel and how I think. You can’t keep these thoughts locked in a box. They’ve already infested my mind and spread to my entire being - this is who I am now.

Freewrite - “At night you’d read to me…”

“At night you’d read to me” as though you were someone I’d actually want to listen to, but how blind you’ve been all this time. Through a thick curtain you’ve been looking, but you can’t see the harshly cold winter that thrives behind here. It’s all that I have now, and I’m trying to learn to love it, but the love has left with the warmth. You wouldn’t know, though.

Freewrite - “You tend to shy away”

“You tend to shy away” because that’s the only thing you can do. There’s no other option that doesn’t recquire interaction - face to face, trying to find how to say it, but failing as you always do. It’s a cycle, always happening the same way. Your whole life is a cycle - every little thing about it. And all you want to do is break away from it - maybe change the order of things for once. Instead of going through it again, maybe reach your hand into the pond and pull out one of the circling fish. It will wiggle in your hand and die, but it will make things different. It will end the one cycle that needs to be ended. It’s the one thing you might actually have the power to change.

Freewrite - “The act of rebellion…”

“The act of rebellion” is something mysterious and wonderful, never having been experienced to its full. How it feels to ride in the wind whipping at your face as you zip down the highway without a helmet because you forgot it at home. It’s somewhere in your room - maybe under the pile of dirty clothes you never bothered to wash. Whatever, your mom will find it and she’ll cry and wonder why you’d ever leave so unexpectedly. It’s what every mom wonders when it happens to them. They thought they were the best parent they could possibly be when in fact they were stifling all the possibilities, all the creativity and love and everything that needed to come out but never did.